Oh my goodness.

NOTE: This post will have you looking back, forth and all over the place. Please bear with me. It's extremely reflective of the inside of my head. You'll see.

So I'm a pretty headstrong, tell-it-like-it-is kind of person. I know what I like and I know what I don't like.
But when it comes to making personal decisions, you would think I have no spine! I really can't decide and I go back and forth on everything.


My current dilemma: what I will be doing after Winter semester 2012, which ends in April.


I can be:


    a. going to the Philippines with Chris at the end of May.
    b. going to the Philippines with Jackie in July.
    c. going on the Wales Study Abroad (which I posted about here) from the end of June-August.
    d. an EFY counselor between June and July.
    e. a SOAR counselor between June and July.
    f. living at home before and in between all these choices.
    g. living with my roommates at BYU.


And then in my head, I'm thinking:

1. If I decided on any one of choices a-d, I would do f, which is to live at home during the summer before, in between and after doing whatever between a-d I've decided.
2. If I decided on choice e, I would do g, which is to live with my roommates in Utah before and after the SOAR sessions, since SOAR is only at BYU campus.

Right now, I'm very much leaning towards 1, seeing as I'd love to live at home during the summer (because it will probably be the last summer I do) and within that, leaning towards c and d- to do the Wales Study Abroad (assuming I'm accepted, of course) and/or be an EFY counselor (which has always been a dream of mine).


Then there's the dilemma about a mission:

• First, to serve or not to serve?
• Second, if I choose to serve, WHEN?

I know that if I really want to serve, I should. Heavenly Father has already told me. This is not the issue.
In this scenario, the second point is the issue: If I do choose to serve, WHEN DO I SERVE?! WHEN do I turn in my papers?


In turning in my papers, I can submit them:

1. this coming summer in August 2012 so that I can potentially be in the MTC right when I turn 21, November 2012.
2. during Fall 2012 semester, so I still get a full semester in before I go.
3. summer 2013, after Mark comes home from his mission.

Here, I am leaning towards 1 and 3. And THIS is REALLY what I need to pray about.

If I decided to serve a mission at times 1 or 3, I would NOT do a-c. I would still consider being an EFY or SOAR counselor, because I would get paid and it would go towards my mission. I would do f and live at home, so I don't have to pay for rent or food or anything while living at home and saving money.

Actually, I may still consider going to the Philippines with Chris/Jackie or the Wales Study Abroad if I chose to serve a mission summer 2013, seeing as there would be some time in between.

SEE!? There I go, being back and forth and indecisive.

Right now, I'm leaning towards going on the Wales Study Abroad, living at home before then, and turning in my mission papers summer 2013.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

This is basically how I feel right now. Except if this were accurate, it'd mean I have no head and therefore could not have all these choices whirling through my head. I kind of prefer that right now.

But really, I just need to have a nice, long, prayerful chat with Heavenly Father and go on multiple fasts, praying for the Spirit to be with me evermore so that everything will be less cluttered and more clear in my head and the Spirit will be able to guide and and confirm my decisions.


If you read all of this, you are either:


    a. very bored.
    b. very concerned about me.
    c. very patient.
    d. a very complex combination of all or some of the above of some sort.

Either way, I appreciate you for reading this. Sincerely.

It feels nice to vent in a detailed, organized, written manner.
I'm going to go take a nice, long shower now. KBYE.

♥ Melizza.